The War on Drugs - The War on World of Warcraft

I need three more bars, I can’t stop now, one more hour and my life will be complete. Eyes failing, hazy, I can barely make out the 1s and 2s on my keyboard. Must keep playing, maybe if I hug the zombie bears they will gnaw off and give me their paws… I just need three more infected bear paws out of those thousands I collected to get to this point! Daaaaah! FUR! I don’t need your rotten carcass FUR. Damn you zombie bears!

*you loot an infected bear paw of the 63rd level – quest completed*

Froofraaaah! Huzzaiditydiggity! I’m the greatest zombie bear paw collecting Hunter in the history of Azeorth, for at least the next minute! Let me turn this in, and then I can catch my sweet precious z’s. Alright, gnome boy, cough up my reward and ding me. What the furbolgs ass crack is this? What is this follow up quest doing here? I really don’t care you have some bear fetish and enjoy scratching your butt with those dead paws but there is absolutely no reason for me to continue on with this chain. If it wasn’t for the 20 gold you handed over and my new level I would turn you into one of Thrall’s lawn ornaments!

Wait, that’s the reward. Oh, hush! Fughdaboutit if there are female gnomes working at Thrall’s lawn, my new gnomish friend. Let me try that bad boy on, come on, I won’t hearth with em’. Sweet, sweet Naga sauce from the Titans. These are some uber looking shoulder pads and they don’t look the flying orc demon penis ones I wear now. Let’s see, what the quest, oh yea, family problems, huh ugh – skip the sad story pal - just tell me what you need. Ah. About time, you want twenty 64th level to the power boar livers this time? I’ll be back in thirty minutes!

***

That’s right, we addicted, someone is. Hell, I got track marks all up in my shorts man. I can’t log off when I should. And the developers dig it. It’s their dream to totally extinguish real-life and money from the players. Fine, it’s not that bad, they do need us alive and party people, it is entertainment so log on at your own risk. Still, or as the genius mofoes say, nonetheless, there is war out there for subscriptions and whomever has the best product is going to see bigger numbers, money changing hands, sweat shops, cyber debauchery, elves swapping wives, lewt whoring, retards becoming even stronger and beating us up in the battle grounds, and raiding lawlessness, yea, raiding - feh!

It’s a bitter, cruel, competitive industry. World of Warcraft isn’t so much a factor in boosting other mmog subscriptions that I and others speculated it would be. It isn’t hurting and killing mmogs off, but it’s a lot more difficult for new mmogs (because their brand is probably ass and it’s just another generic pve experience) and even harder for those losing what subscriptions they got because WoW raised the bar – higher expectations and what nots. Gordon Walton, the big cheese at Bioware Austin, these peeps all sorts of crazy unique supposedly innovative stories and monsters and yellow elves and shit going up against WoW, they have a chance, yo. Mr. Walton did some schooling at AGDC that is worth reading, it’s rare and beautiful thing to read the insight from a person with such stature in the industry. Although, one lesson he shouldn’t be teaching, he proposes murdering our virtual darlings so some other prick can take our name. I aint down with that shit, Mr. Walton. But the other stuff is alright, definitely better than The Almighty Donut Speech.