My five step recovery meme

Just a minute, I’m still flipping through my little pink unicorns diary from when I was just a wee lad. Ten minutes later after flipping through the pages a dozen times… Shit, I don’t even have five entries in here, figures I didn’t write much back then either. Alright, alright. I wasn’t looking forward to posting some personal shit, but after I started writing about it, I didn’t mind so much, it actually felt therapeutic.

Random stuff you might not know about me:

I lived all over the Navajo Reservation. - You may have passed through these places when visiting Monument Valley or The Four Corners Area: Rough Rock, Many Farms, Rock Point, Montezuma Creek, Chinle, etc. I don’t want to go into a long spiel or tirade, but I will say being a minority in a place where racism exists and inflicted is an experience I would not want for any child.

Amusing anecdote: When my family finally moved off the Reservation it was my first school (senior year) where I wasn’t a minority. I was so nervous I puked my guts out on campus the very first day and shook uncontrollably the whole week. It was a shitty year for me because I was in cultural shock and quickly learned that even though I was no longer a minority, I was still an outcast, but I graduated.

Agoraphobia is a fear of unfamiliar surroundings. - The roots of my phobia stem from my past sheltered lifestyle. My lowest point? Dropped out of school, and I didn’t take one step outside for 8 months, not one step. Yep, just like in the movie Copycat. It’s different now, a few times a year on special occasions I will venture past my perimeter, but you must buy all the dances and bribe me with booze. Haha. Nah! I’m more gregarious and outgoing now because I have moves to make, but I wish I had a jet pack to fly away from the large crowds I find annoying. I do tend to live in smaller towns, the concrete jungle is not for me, but its unavoidable.

I had my very own crazy stalker who was gay and a police officer. - I was such a stud back in my youth, a batshit insane police officer instantly fell for me, we met at a mutual friend’s party and I had no idea he was gay until he started profusely hitting on me. I was perplexed, I was with a girl at the party who made it apparent that I’m not gay, but no matter my actions, it didn’t matter. I could have ensued adult situations with every female in town and that would have proven nothing in his mind. Initiating a fight with a police officer was out of the question as well, I quickly learned you can’t rationalize with the crazy, it’s best to avoid them completely. But this turned out to be a serious problem I couldn’t avoid.

Gaylord did the whole creepy stalker routine making my life hell for a month… Sitting in his patrol car outside my house, sending me creepy anonymous messages over the internet, following me around and sometimes flashing his lights only to turn them off as I was about to pull over. I started getting paranoid and pissed off, I almost went to the police, but how could I? In a small town the police get away with shit and I didn’t have any real evidence I could provide. Here was an officer of the law whose modus operandi was stalking straight men. I’d like to see another officer read this police report, “There is a delusional cock-loving vampire among your brood who adamantly believes he can turn every straight men he likes.” That will work!

This is still comedy gold among my friends and I still get shit about it all the time, “You got to stop sucking random cock down at the glory hole” “Krones couldn’t score a chick even if she had a dick.” “You attract some real wieners fag boy.” How did the stalking end? I started carrying a Colt .38 Super and various other weapons passed down from my pops, I made a few threats with said weapons and he left me alone. Looking back on it now, I’m surprised I wasn’t arrested and I should have taken better efforts in contacting an outside law enforcement department for advice.

Near-Death Experience

I didn’t even see it, I didn’t hear any screeching brakes; only an engine revving faster and it hits me: I’m decimated, excruciating pain. Make this stop, it hurts, this ringing vibration piercing my bones, body throbbing, my heart explodes and sounds like a balloon being popped. Thu-thu-thu-thump. Thu-thu-thu-thump. Skipping beats, I can’t breathe, is this is supposed to happen when people fall in love? Out of the corner of my eye I see a blur, it’s a small child and her mother towering over my limp body-Is she the one who hit me? Why did she do this to me?

I’m gone, I can see clearly but my eyes tingles, everything tingles. I’m floating and surrounded in a transcendental vortex. Up ahead in the distance something catches me, I can’t see anything, but I’m drifting towards it, I sense something there. I experience a catharsis at the sight before me, magnificent beings dressed in white robes, a blinding aura penetrates my eyes as it surrounds this gathering, who are they and everything is clear now, the pain is gone. I know they are angels, I know they are my relatives. Comfort succumbs me when I feel their love for me and one another.

Is this really it? The closer I’m getting, my mind churns and is frenetic, I realize I’m about to die, this is it, I’m leaving the world I know behind, can this be heaven? I communicate telepathically with the gathering , “I’m sorry, I can’t leave. I have to help take care of my mom. Please let me stay.” I struggle trying to do anything, something, I can’t leave. Again I communicate, “I’m sorry, I can’t leave, I have to help take care of my mom. Please let me stay.”

I’m terrified at the thought of leaving behind my mom, suddenly a feeling of reassurance enters my body-another chance at life. My eyes slowly open as the pain swirls back into my head, I hear sirens now, I’m in the back of the ambulance where an EMT is bracing my body, “keep your eyes open! You’ve been hit by a car. Don’t try to move. Do you remember your name?” Later the doctor tells my mom I’m lucky to be alive. Several years pass and I told no one what I saw, until one day I finally tell my mom about my experience, tears stream from her eyes and we give each other a big hug.

I was just a child when I had this after-life experience. If I had one of these experiences as an adult it would be vastly different. I can envision tendrils gripping my skull and demon cock with wings and horns fucking me in every orifice while Satan himself tosses my corpulent corpse into his endless oceans of lava. I had to bring it down a notch!

How about I scare everyone and show you what I look like! Ahhhhh! noooo, your eyes. One near-death experience to another! My #1 resolution this year is to make the fat squad on the pale force. Reality to self: Hit the treadmill/track fattie and shed some pounds. This picture is actually good motivation, I gained 50 lbs last year and it definitely shows in the pictures.

My turn to play tag: Zubon & Ethic@Kill Ten Rats, Foton and Tara. Your it.