Comments on: Vanguard’s Beta Break: The Illegal Beta Review

By: Kranky Kraut

Kranky Kraut — Thu, 06 Apr 2006 04:39:02 +0000

I’m aware it’s an April Fool’s thing, and not a particularly subtle one, either. And yes, I am serious, I’ve read it three times. Not only that, I dissected it and tried to infer “teh infoz” by performing a sentence by sentence analysis, employing my madskillz at faux interweb psychology.

Initially, I assumed that the references to horse feces, ball busting sessions with Brad McQuaid and humongous ogre vaginas were a rather literal expression of sexual preferences but I quickly came to the realization that it’s really a highly allegorical masterpiece of confused surrealism.

Now, tell me what the horse shit metaphor means, goddamnit.

By: Krones

Krones — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 23:11:14 +0000

You read this tripe three times? Haha, I hope you aren’t being serious, the illegal beta review post was done in traditional April Fool’s jest.

By: Kranky Kraut

Kranky Kraut — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 16:43:09 +0000

Ok, I’ve read the damn thing three times, expecting some l33t beta infoz hidden underneath the incoherent rambling, and I am still confused.

This is what I’ve figured out so far:

1. You don’t like teh Oloh

2. You think that McQuaid’s definition of “3rd generation” as “whatever the fuck we do” is worthy of ridicule

3. generic content

4. I don’t get the horse shit part, please explain

5. Morning wood… resource gathering in Vanguard will be kind of gay?

6. Generic mobs

7. Reactive combat system stinks

8. Death penalty is like being repeatedly punched in the genitalia by McQuaid

9. Female player models may not be worthy of jacking off to. Or maybe they are, hard to tell.

10. Eh, the CS part is even weirder than the McQuaid telekinesis thing. I’m kinda lost here. Is it about Sigil’s masturbatory hyping of their crack CS team?

Help me out here, I’m not a native English speaker and I want teh infoz so I can become even more disillusioned about Vanguard than I already am.