Nerf of the Mash-Up: A ridiculous gander into the future of the Super Bowl.

What does this have to do with mmogs? Keep reading, but before you start looking into the further future with me, it is best you do not ruin the immersion of your reading experience, if you can, especially if you are surrounded by other persons you should don a tinfoil hat and wizard’s robe, any garbage bag will do for a robe.

Robotic lava penguins from another planet will go to war with the National Football League in hopes for making the Superbowl more than Super. As such biblical proportions which were once prophesized by the crazy bearded old guy in a straight jacket the robotic lava penguins will be victorious. The year will be 2007, the game Americans know now as football will be changed forever. Due to the success of the mmog industry and the uprise in bot farmers across the globe, the robotic lava penguins who also drive fancy spaceships which at first glance look like ice weasels will have agreed upon drafting three chief executive officers from different mmog backgrounds too revitalize the way football is played.

Without further ado, the three selectees and their proposed changes:

Brad McQuaid, CEO of Sigil Games Online

The football field will be increased in length by 10,000 yards. It will take most teams ten hours to reach the halfway point, except for the very few teams who happen to have a developer as a teammate. Players will not be able to save their game and spectators who try and leave the stadium will be deemed cheating and banned from having no life.

A supposed third generation spawning system will be implemented to make the game more challenging. At first there will be some kinks in the system and in some cases pink unicorns to fly out of the snapper’s ass and gore the quarterback in the face.

Brad McQuaid will announce his version third generational version of football is for neither hardcore or softcore gamers, instead he will release a daily press release about targeting core gamers, after a 5 year beta test the robotic lava penguins will freeze Brad McQuaid’s brain with cryogenics since core gamers actually turned out to be non gamers.

John Smedley, CEO of Sony Online Entertainment

Players who advance to every first down on the field will have to pay a small fee out of their salary. These first down advancements will be dubbed adventure packs.

When attempting to kick a field goal, the goal itself will despawn and the lavaball will hover in air for 45 minutes until it is reset by a developer. For the next hundred years SOE will proclaim field goals are working as intended.

With 2 minutes left to go in the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl, SOE will announce there is not enough spectators attending games and will nerf everything including the player positions. Instead SOE will implement hordes of hippos ensuing hungry-hungry hippo sex on the field.

Mike Morhaime, CEO of Blizzard Entertainment

In order to help players from falling behind those who see more play time, the players sitting on the sidelines will be required to inject their veins with steroids known as warcrack. This rule will be called the rest system.

Players will revolt after each game of football will eventually only take 10 minutes, in response Blizzard will patch in a 5th and 6th quarter. In order for players to enter these quarters players will be required to collect 100000 touchdowns, 100000 tackles, and 1000000000 pieces of toilet paper. This weekly event will be bigger than any of the Super Bowls.

For every five yards traveled players will be rewarded with 3 points and shiny new equipment. Once players advance to their end of the field uniforms will look so fantastically ridiculous players may opt out their rewards and wear a gigantic cowbell instead.

End Playbook

Yesterday, while gandering the Super Bowl my wrinkled brain was wandering off into a quirky absurdity. I was pondering upon the current mmogs on the market and how their different concepts could relate to the game of football. I was wondering about the people who designed the original game and if football were to be designed today by an actual mmog game company how the different game boundaries would difer and that immediately sparked the idea for a humorous post.

Please feel free to be like gangbuster batshit insane with me and enlist any contributions to the playbook.