plaguelands.comFunniest B Cinematic Experience. Forever.
Do yourself a huge favor and forget the abysmal that was Serenity, (zing, I coated the browncoaters with my excremental powers) forget this month’s cheesy doomed video game movie adaptation. Dig into your picture viewing collection and gather the terrible Pauly Shore and Spice Girls flicks, the Leprechaun series and delve into your secret porn stash and grab Debbie does Dallas, set this collection ablaze and purge them from your grasp thrusting them into any nearby pit of death, the pits do exist, or make one yourself if you fail to find one nearby.
You won’t ever need any of those B movie classics again because the funniest and greatest B cinematic extravaganza is coming to a theater near you in August 2006, starring the f-bomb man himself, Samuel L. Jackson in !!!Snakes on a plane!!!
Behold, feast your bewildered eyes on the synopsis of this upcoming cinematic masterpiece.
On board a flight over the Pacific Ocean, an assassin, bent on killing a passenger who’s a witness in protective custody, let loose a crate full of deadly snakes.
What a hook, in honor of this amazing hook I have a factoid, we all like factoids, the title is misrepresented and should actually be, “Snakes on a ‘mother flippin’ plane! man.” -with ninjas- underneath that. ninjas sell.
The man is needed at the end there, it oozes oomph and the flippin’ is to bypass the censors and appeal to those who you know, speak the lingo, yea that would be you, doesn’t it make you feel all special inside. You have to make movie reservations now! Serious, this franchise will be bigger than the Star Wars Kids. If you like viewing and pleasure, Snakes on a Plane is it!
With my contacts in the B movie industry I have already sampled Snakes on a Plane and I can tell you now this is Samuel L. Jackson’s most superb acting performance out of his whole acting tenure, his wittyness is incredible, none of his past accolades even come close to what you will witness in this movie…
I have a quick snip the studio allowed me to leak, use your imagination dreamers.
“Your damn right bitches! There’s some crazy mother fucking garden snakes up in here, fucking garden snakes and shit! Fuck did you see that! God damn mother fucking living breathing eat shitting snakes on this plane man!”
Okay, I concocted the last several parts of this post, but clearly the movie studio should have hired me to be on the script team, maybe when they shoot the sequel, Snakes on a mother flippin’ yellow Submarine! man. -with pirates- underneath that. pirates sell too.
I’m available and come cheaper than a nickel whore.
This movie was originally going to be one of the worst cinematic experiences ever created until our hero Sam the man Jackson stepped in and took the creative control reigns.
Beaks: One of those films that you’re working on right now is… well, it’s called “Pacific Air 121″—
Jackson: Snakes on a Plane, man!
Beaks: Exactly.
Jackson: We’re totally changing that back. That’s the only reason I took the job: I read the title.
Beaks: Snakes on a Plane! That’s everything!
Jackson: You either want to see that, or you don’t.
Pacific air 110011, fuck that horse manure name! Samuel Jackson, you sir are a mother fucking genius.
Hell yea, it’s everything. Oh yes, yes oh yes indeed my fellow foozles. Mark my words, Snakes on a Plane, in it’s serious notoriety, will unintentionally win Oscars, and it wont just stop there, even the snakes will win more awards than any other creature in the history of scaley adventure films.
I can’t wait for the mmog! Snakes on planes - developed by SOE!
-
I’ve been guffawing in pain off and on for the last two hours and couldn’t help myself, I had too chime in with some commentary.
This movie is 100% legit, I’m not bullshitting, I think, if anything I’ve been e-punked.
Reblogged from: Zen of Design and the Quarter to Three forums.
More hilarious commentary ensues on the Q23 forums, pictures are included. Too only make matters even better a few of the snakes shown look completely fake. Go gander, laugh and enjoy or feel free to describe in more astute terms on how I am retarded in the cerebral cortex.
You haven’t been e-punked, it is a real movie and thanks to the title alone has had a pretty big following for a LONG time already. By the way, you should link back to collider.com as that is where the Mr. Beaks/Sam Jackson interview originated.
Thanks for the tip, the title is too good to be true, it’s crazy, making a movie on this premise alone. It’s going to be outstanding, I look forward too watching it, although if the studio changes the title at the last minute I wouldn’t watch the film as Jackson pointed out in the interview, you do or you don’t! We could always make our own 500 dollar budget Snakes on a Broken Plane and storm Sundance!
God, this site is like Blue Cheese. Pretty stinky but you find yourself always heading back to the salad bar for more.
haha, I used that for a quote in my vanguard sig, I have been ridiculously silly lately with this blog, having way too much fun waxing nonsense. I’ll announce some of my future plans for the site that you are probably unaware of, not sure if I told you in the past, but hopefully you will enjoy what smelly surprises I am developing.
Ya’ll have to join my new group if you’re on myspace. its all about the muthafuckin snakes.
http://groups.myspace.com/SNOAPL